Let's try talking back to happiness

Aug 10 2008 Sunday Sun

ARE you afraid to communicate what you really feel for fear of making waves or hurting someone?

Sometimes it feels easier not to say anything at all rather than face a potentially difficult discussion. The problem then, of course, is that the longer things go unsaid, the greater the likelihood of misunderstanding.

In the 1990s, the band REM broke up because, in the words of one of the members, they had become “hopelessly estranged and terminally uncommunicative”. Eventually they pulled themselves round and got back together.

How did they do it? Singer Michael Stipe said: “We just sat down and talked.” This sounds ludicrously simple . . . but it really can be just that simple.

Communication can almost always resolve a problem. It just takes determination on everyone’s part to sort it out and a total commitment to speak the truth. It’s not always easy, but the following pointers should help . . .

::  Make it safe for each person to communicate what needs to be said. It may not be easy but don’t get defensive and leap down anyone’s throat.

::  Listen and try to hear each other’s point of view and to understand it as they see it, rather than filtering it through your own experience. You may not agree with it, bit it is real for them.

::  Be sure to acknowledge what the other person has said even though you may not agree with it. Feeling heard is vital. Just a comment like “I can understand that” or “I see what you mean” is all it takes for the other person to feel heard and understood.

:: ANNABEL SUTTON is a life coach and author of 52 Ways to Handle It — a Life Coaching Year, available from Neal’s Yard Remedies — www.nealsyardremedies.co.uk — at £6.50. To contact Annabel, email annabel@life-designs.co.uk or visit www.life-designs.co.uk