A whiff of panic in the air

Aug 24 2008 by Ken Oxley, Sunday Sun

IT’S another one of our relatively few bank holiday weekends and, if all goes to plan, while you’re reading this I’ll be returning from the USA and be back on the breakfast show tomorrow on Magic 1170.

Then it’ll be back to earth with a bump, as I’m guessing the credit crunch hasn’t disappeared while I’ve been gone.

Last week, I put forward a few ideas about how to save money in these troubled times, but there are still huge savings to be made. This week . . . washing clothes, washing dishes, and washing you!

It’s all down to changing attitudes. Queen Elizabeth I had a bath once a year “whether she needed it or not”.

In the Second World War, soap was rationed and it was patriotic to pong. Why not save money now by “showering with a friend”?

Don’t forget to have a money box like the one we used to have by the telephone.

The head of one major gas firm recently suggested that we all wear two jumpers at home to deal with a forecast 70 per cent rise in bills. This is a man earning £1m a year, so if he has to wear two sweaters, we’re in big bother.

The washing machine clearly has to go. Hand-washing clothes in the sink is the way forward here, but you can’t really expect your whites to dazzle. We just have to accept that grey is the new black. And will become blacker the more we hand-wash.

We’re blessed with three wonderful, powerful and pollution-reduced rivers, the Tees, the Wear, and the Tyne. Nip down to your nearest with your basket of washing, and a washboard, and there you are . . . powerful washing and rinsing facilities at your fingertips.

Try not to fall in, and try not to be arrested for polluting the river with detergent. When it comes to drying your impeccably grey clothing, tumble drying is obviously a thing of the past, so pray for a sunny day.

And hanging your washing inside means you can wash dishes in the drips that fall off. You weren’t thinking of using that dishwasher, surely?

Follow this advice and you’re certain to save money . . . but may not feel able to leave the house. Particularly if you’re under house arrest for polluting the river.

People will avoid you if you get too whiffy. But you’ll have the satisfaction of knowing that you’re beating the credit crunch!