Your home or care home?

Feb 7 2010 by Philippa Tomson, Sunday Sun

Baroness Deech may be well-intentioned but she’s a tad idealistic.

Firstly, the bald reality is we don’t all get on with our parents and some of us view the frequent, or perhaps infrequent, get-togethers as something of a chore rather than a pleasure.

The idea of having them live in one’s home is tantamount to torture. Sad but true.

Secondly, there are different levels of care needed as loved ones get older. My grandmother had a serious stroke. Being cared for in my parents’ home was unthinkable. My mother was neither qualified nor physically strong enough to give her the care she needed. And the layout of the living space was inadequate.

My grandad, on the other hand, probably could have resided with us.

He lived to the ripe old age of 91, but I’m sure moving in with us would have finished him off a lot earlier. He wanted to be in his own home and Mum and Dad frequently visited him there.

In later years, day-to-day visits became more demanding but everyone mucked in and kept an eye on him.

But for so many families, the situation isn’t so straightforward and the burden placed on so many families would be too hard to bear.

It’s logical to think that our parents care for us as children and we need to repay them. But dealing with an elderly person’s incontinence and physical limitations is not the same as changing a nappy or telling your teen tearaway to be back by midnight.

In an ideal world, I would hope my parents lived near me in their own home. Close enough so that I could do their shopping, and me financially sound enough so I could pay for 24-hour care.

The reality could be quite different and I dread the day. But I hope my parents will read this article and understand. In fact, I know what my dad will joke: “I hope I’ve popped off long before I become a problem.”

Funny thing is, I actually think he means it.