MPs living the high life at our expense

May 17 2009 by Alan Ross, Magic 1170

THIS week’s column was going to be a lighthearted little effort concerning bagels – honest – but the main news of the week means that will have to wait.

Instead, Jaffa cakes take their place, along with tampons, garden hoses, loo seats, mock Tudor house beams and all the other paraphernalia MPs can’t do without . . . provided we’re paying for it.

What those of us unable to charge the cost of our Jaffa cakes to someone else want to know is, why our members of Parliament can’t distinguish right from wrong? It’s not too hard, surely.

In a spirit of helpfulness . . .

If you have a moat around your country estate that’s become cluttered with the odd shopping trolley or dead peasant, clean it out yourself, you freeloading pestilence, or pay someone else to do it out of your own pocket.

Just to explain further . . . that means you pay. You might be able to get the bloke who replaced David Willetts’ lightbulbs for him to do it, if he’s not otherwise engaged. He might be cleaning out some MP’s swimming pool, though.

Sorry we can’t help, we’re too busy trying to fill our freezers with food while hoping to hold on to our jobs. When we go down the supermarket, we don’t get a £400-a-month food allowance either. Whose bright idea was that?

If you’re hoping to be re-elected in Hartlepool, don’t think that you have the right to get us to pay for furniture for a second home you haven’t even bought yet. You don’t.

And yes, Vera in Redcar, it was big of you to pay for your own Christmas tree decorations . . . after you’d tried to get us to pay for them. Even the Fees Office turned up their nose at that one.

Talking of stenches, my favourite claim belongs to Mr Heathcote-Amory MP, who invoiced us for over £300 worth of horse manure. Surely he could have saved us the money by just standing around the Palace of Westminster with a shovel?