And season’s greetings, Doug

Dec 23 2007 by Ian Robson, Sunday Sun

AND a Merry Christmas to you too, Doug Rattray.

Doug, readers may remember, is the man behind clampers Hadrian Traffic Management.

I have written two critical news stories about the company in recent weeks following complaints from drivers.

So it was unexpected when Doug sent a Christmas card.

Funny, too, showing a picture of Santa’s reindeer getting clamped.

In a ho ho ho moment Santa says “Bloody hell, I’m only gone for five minutes and they clamp me.”

There was even a personal message: “Hoping to see you soon, HTM.”

Now I can laugh — contrary to popular opinion — as well as anyone.

But I can’t understand why the card came to my home address when I never told Doug where I live. Nor why my wife’s name was on the envelope.

Not to be curmudgeonly, I have done the decent thing and reciprocated the season’s greetings. But not to his home address in Northumberland.

So a Merry Christmas and prosperous New Year to everyone at Hadrian Traffic Management.

And, kids, if there are no presents this year, it’s because Santa didn’t pay a release fee for Rudolph.

Meanwhile, there is terrific news for drivers whose cars have been towed away by Doug’s company.

His website states: “You are assured that any vehicle we remove is disposed of in an environmental friendly way.”

It leaves a nice warm feeling inside, doesn’t it?

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No defence, Sol

YOU gotta laugh at the precious Sol Campbell.

The England defender says barracking fans are abusing the human rights of players. You’re a big boy, Sol, build a bridge and get over it.

Instead, he whines at the FA for allowing verbal abuse to continue.

He is reported to have said: “They have sat idle, head in the sand, and tried to brush it under the carpet.”

We all know men can’t multi-task but no one bar a contortionist should be expected to sit idle, while burying their head in the sand, and brushing it under the carpet at the same time.

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Be a man, Ricky..

BOXER Ricky Hatton claims he feels like a woman after losing his title fight.

Hatton meant his masculinity has been battered because he didn’t win.

He said: “I can’t stop crying. All that’s missing is a pair of t**s.”

But isn’t Hatton a big Jessie for sulking because someone else was better? Be a man, Ricky, and forget the bad mammaries.

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Let them take stock

COD off and leave our fisherman alone. Europrats finally do the decent thing and allow an increase in the quota for North Sea cod.

Then the World Wildlife Fund want the limits reinstated.

There is enough evidence to suggest stocks are better than previously thought.

Let the trawlermen do their job.