All mumbo jumbo

Aug 15 2010 by Ian Robson, Sunday Sun

HOROSCOPES are always worth a bit of a laugh but that’s all, folks, don’t take them seriously.

Most of the so-called “predictions” are a mix of common sense and guesswork.

I have gazed into the stars and I can reveal ... good times for some, bad times for others, and business as usual for the rest of us.

Here are my forecasts for the week, tongue firmly in cheek, using my astonishing powers.

Leo (July 23 to August 23). Some of you will be having birthdays around this time of the year with the possibility of receiving gifts or meeting friends.

Virgo (August 24 to September 22). Money is tight at the moment so you may have to economise and cut back on unnecessary luxuries.

Libra (September 23 to October 23).The stars suggest some of us may be travelling abroad on holiday, or perhaps closer to home, or perhaps not at all.

Scorpio (October 24 to November 22). Scorpios may be thinking of loved ones at this time – but so is everyone else.

Sagittarius (November 23 to December 21). Relationships are at the fore but, then again, when are they not for the whole of the human race.

Capricorn (December 22 to January 20). The moon is in your sign, Saturn is on the cusp of ascendancy, Pluto is masculine, and I’m talking mumbo jumbo.

Aquarius (January 21 to February 18). Ring my premium rate hotline to find out how a fool and his money are soon parted. And so on, through the rest of the zodiac.

I understand astrology is a system of beliefs that the positions of celestial bodies can reveal the past, present, and future of individuals.

We have Arab astrology, Babylonian astrology, and a hundred variations on the theme. We have the principle of as above, so below, and our transits and progressions.

I’m even aware there was not much difference between astrology and astronomy until relatively recently.

But, while the experts look for their point of midheaven, the rest of us are fooling ourselves if we think it’s anything more than a bit of light entertainment to while away time when reading the papers.

Of course some of us will get presents on our birthdays, Leo.

Virgo, it’s only natural that money is tight when the country is in too much debt.

Are you listening, all you Librans, some of you will be going on holiday but only because it’s summer.

And a cleverly-worded horoscope can be interpreted by anyone to suit particular concerns about their relationships.

Horoscopes work by playing on hopes and fears, a guilty conscience, or worries about the future.

One told me children will bring joy. Of course they will – that’s what children do.

Another said children will bring worry and, again, that’s what children do.

Horoscopes? Best to regard them as pie in the sky.