Home News Columnists Ken Oxley

Paying debt at last

FOR men of a certain age, Joanna Lumley is top tottie... the thinking man’s crumpet no less. So it was good to see her on TV the other day flashing those piano-key gnashers of hers and getting all emotional about Britain’s Gurkha heroes. Read

Lots in a name

AN internet website that allows you to find anagrams of the rich and famous throws up some interesting results, some funny, others surprisingly fitting. Read

Tony the Tiger facing extinction

LOOKS like Tony the Tiger is every bit as endangered as his real life jungle buddies. And Snap, Crackle and Pop could soon become gnomeless! Read

Fingers crossed for £7m winner

I’D hate it if my 18-year-old son scooped millions on the Lottery. Read

End disgrace of elderly care costs

THINK of all the injustices society has had to grapple with over the years and you will find they share one similarity . . . opposition. Read

Bat stunt is just Blaine boring

ILLUSIONIST David Blaine has made a career out of pushing his body to the limits of human endurance. Read

Sad decline for Paul Gascoigne

IN 1990, a young Paul Gascoigne became a global phenomenon when his brilliance helped England to the semi-finals of the World Cup. Read

Cheers for Britney Spears

FORGET the Hollywood Walk of Fame or Madam Tussaud’s, Britney Spears has been immortalised in a far more fitting way. Read

Mad hair day

DO you remember where you were when you first set eyes on it? Of course you do, how could you fail to be anything other than awestruck by such a momentous event? Read

If ucn rd ths wots the pt?

THERE’S been yet more talk this week of examiners going easy on students who make fundamental spelling errors in exams. Read

New movie is a ticket to learning

YOU would expect the director of a new film to recommend it to as wide an audience as possible. But I think Mark Herman has honourable intentions beyond boosting his own bank balance when he says he believes parents should encourage their children to see The Boy in the Striped Pyjamas, released on Friday. Read

Theo and Mel are not the new Posh and Becks

SINCE his stunning hat-trick against Croatia, young Theo Walcott has been dubbed the new David Beckham . . . and his girlfriend Melanie Slade the new Posh. Read

Keep your shirts on - Keegan’s gone but it’s not the end of the world!

IT’S the end of the world as we know it. Burn your team shirt, tear up your season ticket, climb into a warm bath with a bottle of Jack and a razor blade and be done with it. Read

Conservation boffins had better be wrong because there’s no way I’m giving up anchovies!

IT doesn’t pay to have a social conscience these days. I stopped buying factory-farmed chicken years ago. Then I insisted it had to be free-range eggs or nothing. Shortly after that, cod was off my shopping list because it had become an endangered species. Read

Cheryl Cole dogged by problems

CHERYL COLE’S designer Chihuahua has been upsetting her fellow X Factor judges by peeing in the reality show’s make-up room. Read

Pay through nose as you drive scheme

HOW much longer before motorists are regarded as bigger social pariahs than smokers and street drunks? Read

Let Glitter settle . . . it’s only way to be safe

HE’S scum, but he’s our scum. And it’s a simple but inescapable fact that Gary Glitter has to live somewhere. Read

Happily, survey is rubbish

A NEW survey released this week has revealed that most surveys are utter rubbish. Strictly speaking, that last sentence is a lie. As far as I’m aware, no one has ever conducted a survey into surveys. Read

Clinton and on

WE witness our fair share of political back-biting in this country, but I doubt we’ll ever manage to be as two-faced as the Americans. Read

Our sick forced to beg for their lives

IT was a sight that would make Nye Bevan spin in his grave. More than 50 cancer patients and their supporters staged a protest at the HQ of the Government’s drug advisory body this week . . . literally begging for their lives. Read

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