Guy and Madonna split saves day

Oct 19 2008 by Ken Oxley, Sunday Sun

MAY I be the first to offer my congratulations to Madonna and Guy Ritchie on their impending divorce. I’m delighted for both of them.

I know you’re not supposed to celebrate when a relationship breaks down, but in their case I’m prepared to make an exception.

Thanks to Madge’s obsession with fame and weird religions, and Guy’s fondness for the simple life and his local boozer, they turned out to be completely incompatible.

Which is bad news for them, but fantastic for the rest of us. Especially as the timing couldn’t have been better.

The mismatch of the century crashed and burned as the credit crunch threatened to hijack the news agenda indefinitely.

But thanks to the warring Ritchies we now have something far more interesting to read about than hedge funds and profit warnings.

Already, we have been treated to mud-slinging, back-biting and bitchiness from both parties on a grand scale.

Guy has been branded a cruel, selfish, lazy tightwad, while Madonna has been dismissed as a domineering control freak with a talent for turning a drama into a crisis.

Not since the McCartney-Mills showdown have we been treated to such a vicious spectacle . . . and you get the feeling the really good stuff is yet to come.

Great, isn’t it? In fact, in these difficult times, there’s nothing more uplifting than wallowing in someone else’s misery.

Before you accuse me of being insensitive, I realise we’re talking about real people here who have feelings just like everyone else. But even though this doomed pairing was blessed in a lavish £1.5m ceremony at Skibo Castle in the Scottish Highlands, there was never going to be a fairytale ending.

They struck me as an odd couple from the outset, so there was a sense of inevitability about this week’s announcement.

The only real surprise was that it took so long.

Yet, try as I might to feel sorry for them, I just can’t. Madonna is a strong, independent woman with £300m in the bank, not some emotional cripple. She’ll survive.

And Ritchie — who’s worth £30m — could end up even Ritchie-er if he plays his cards right.

Even if he doesn’t get a slice of his estranged missus’s fortune, his profile will have benefited from their relationship.

Let’s be honest, despite directing Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels 10 years ago — his only decent movie — he’s best known as Mr Madonna.

And his films will no doubt continue to get more media attention than they merit thanks to his ex.

Which means the only real losers in this sorry saga are their children . . . and I do have sympathy for them.

Meanwhile, those of us who enjoy lapping up the sordid details of a real-life soap opera are all winners.