Home News Columnists Ken Oxley

Keep your shirts on - Keegan’s gone but it’s not the end of the world!

IT’S the end of the world as we know it. Burn your team shirt, tear up your season ticket, climb into a warm bath with a bottle of Jack and a razor blade and be done with it.Read

Conservation boffins had better be wrong because there’s no way I’m giving up anchovies!

IT doesn’t pay to have a social conscience these days. I stopped buying factory-farmed chicken years ago. Then I insisted it had to be free-range eggs or nothing. Shortly after that, cod was off my shopping list because it had become an endangered species.Read

Cheryl Cole dogged by problems

CHERYL COLE’S designer Chihuahua has been upsetting her fellow X Factor judges by peeing in the reality show’s make-up room.Read

Pay through nose as you drive scheme

HOW much longer before motorists are regarded as bigger social pariahs than smokers and street drunks?Read

Let Glitter settle . . . it’s only way to be safe

HE’S scum, but he’s our scum. And it’s a simple but inescapable fact that Gary Glitter has to live somewhere.Read

Happily, survey is rubbish

A NEW survey released this week has revealed that most surveys are utter rubbish. Strictly speaking, that last sentence is a lie. As far as I’m aware, no one has ever conducted a survey into surveys. Read

Clinton and on

WE witness our fair share of political back-biting in this country, but I doubt we’ll ever manage to be as two-faced as the Americans.Read

Our sick forced to beg for their lives

IT was a sight that would make Nye Bevan spin in his grave. More than 50 cancer patients and their supporters staged a protest at the HQ of the Government’s drug advisory body this week . . . literally begging for their lives.Read

What price her life?

CANCER victim Maria Douglass is going to die sooner or later, so there’s really no point wasting tax payers’ money on her.Read

Donor boost testament to real celebrity Adrian Sudbury

I HAVE no idea how I’d react if doctors told me I had an incurable disease. None of us do. But I doubt very much I would be as brave and inspirational as Adrian Sudbury, who died this week.Read

Relief after Gary Glitter lawyer’s failure

SPARE a thought for David Corker, the man with the most difficult job in the world right now.Read

Press should blame Georgia

WHEN Argentina invaded the Falklands in 1982, Britain’s then Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher responded in her customary iron-fisted way.Read

Charlie should modify stance

THERE’S no such thing as a genetically modified person . . . yet.Read

Peaches is a parent’s nightmare

AS a parent of two teenagers, I’m used to having the occasional unwelcome surprise sprung on me.Read

No complaints about hilarious “Chubby Bunny” YouTube videos

LAST week I made reference to a “mature student” who choked to death after stuffing five cakes in his mouth during an eating contest, pointing out that he wasn’t that mature. I was expecting complaints . . . instead I’m thankful to one reader for making me aware of a bizarre new craze.Read

Driving lessons for kids

FREE 90-minute golf lessons and demonstrations from PGA professionals are available to any youngster — male or female, aged five to 16 — at The Rock Junior Golf Festival at the Matfen Hall Academy next Sunday.Read

Scotty splashes down instead of beaming up

CAPTAIN’S log, stardate 2008. Things didn’t go quite to plan today. In fact, we screwed up big style and accidentally scattered Scotty’s ashes over the Pacific Ocean. Oops!Read

Housing help needed right now

I MAY not be in the full flush of youth any more, but there are advantages to being a cynical old curmudgeon.Read

Cakes death student was hardly mature

IT was reported this week that a Welshman died during an impromptu competition be- tween friends to see who could eat the most fairy cakes.Read

Right royal rumpus over MPs’ oath of allegiance

SUPPORTERS of the monarchy are getting themselves into a right royal rumpus over a campaign by renegade MPs to scrap the tradition of swearing an oath to the Queen.Read

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