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I WENT to the cinema the other night and ordered a large hot dog for Big Al. And what a tasteless, plastic-looking expensive piece of rubbish. No fried onions, just one long sausage in a white bread roll.

A messy dispenser of tomato sauce or English mustard was sitting on the counter and Big Al made the most of it.

I'm not sure he particularly enjoyed it though when I reminded him of his supposedly healthy eating regime. In future, I'll make sure he eats at home first – an outing to the cinema is a rip-off.