Should I just go fer-ret?

Jan 8 2006 By Sylvie Donna, The Sunday Sun

This week's champion columnist is Sylvie Donna, 46. She is a lecturer and freelance writer from Chester-le-Street, County Durham.

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My curiosity was piqued by something I read in the paper the other day. Apparently, it's now impossible to take a ferret on holiday to Portugal. Who would want to? And who would own a ferret anyway?

According to eight-year-old Joe Dixon from Stanley, County Durham, ferrets make wonderful pets. He's had his ferret, Star, for about three years.

I met her and she seemed a gentle, playful, ladylike pet. Joe thinks she's especially cool because she can fit through small holes.

Apparently, a 2-inch square is plenty big enough. I can well imagine this must make for all kinds of interesting play possibilities.

Since my own children are pestering me to get a pet, and since ferrets are apparently very similar to cats in many ways (nocturnal, eaters of Whiskas, etc) I thought I'd better investigate further.

Both www.ferretcentral.org and the animal charity PDSA had lots of information available, and Google came up with nine other websites. Wow, I thought, there's a whole ferret world out there.

I discovered the ferret's closest relative in the wild is the European polecat . . . not Great Aunt Ethel, after all.

While the males are called hobs and the females jills, their offspring are called kits. Ferrets of any sex or size are reputed to be more intelligent than cats or dogs - with whom they may nevertheless cohabit happily - and they're a lot more playful than most household pets, even when they get older.

So far, they sounded like fun. I began to smell a rat, as it were, when I read the instructions on housing.

Ferret hutches need to be extremely secure, not for the pet's protection, but for the protection of the houses and furnishings.

A favourite ferret activity, it seems, is chewing things (well, OK, I've known a teenager or two like that) or simply stealing them and stashing them away behind sofas and chairs (like a delinquent teen?)

They're also likely to destroy the carpet. And dig through your bins and plant pots. So it sounds like they can be a bit on the messy side.

They can open drawers and cupboards all on their own too, so the potential for domestic chaos might just be beyond my capacity for tidying up.

Instead of a teen on the rampage, I begin to imagine a furry and adventurous two-year-old with super-sharp teeth, which will never grow up.

Now while this might not appeal to young parents, we must remember that most of the chaos could perhaps be avoided by using a hutch and providing an hour of supervised play each day.

Beyond these basic requirements, according to the PDSA, all the ferrets (and their 14 or so kits) would need is a "good-quality, high-protein diet" with the occasional special treat of boneless chicken or bite-sized pieces of fruit.

Dry pellets stay fresh longer than the stuff and may also cut dental tartar. (Would I have to take our new ferret family to the dentist too? Better add that to the list of cons.)

Wondering whether I'd be turning into an oddball by taking in a ferret (or two), I decided I'd check out how weird I was via Gill and Denise of North East Ferret Rescue, who look after 76 ferrets.

During 2005 they took in 45 ferrets and re-homed 22 of them. At their last show in Crook, County Durham, there were 280 ferret entries, so presumably there are far more than 300 ferret families in the North East. Perhaps we wouldn't be so unusual.

If you're wondering whether a ferret would be a good idea, I suppose the answer might hinge on whether or not you want to go to Portugal.

What's most important, a lovely (but rainy) self-catering beachside holiday in Britain, with ferret gambolling happily nearby or a virtually guaranteed sunny spell on the Algarve with a morose ferret in kennels at home?

Personally, I think I'll get a cat, to keep my options open.

If you are dead set on getting a ferret, I suppose you can be consoled that ebay will not only help you replace your chewed-up mattresses and sofas, it'll also get you cool ferret gear.

Try the Frenzy Paw Prints Passion red ferret collar with bell, perhaps? Bids from £0.01.