Parents of students’ fears as they leave nest

Aug 31 2008 by Coreena Ford, Sunday Sun

WITH knife crime and the credit crunch ever present in the media, how do we prepare youngsters for student life while also allaying parents’ fears? COREENA FORD reports.

PARENTS could be forgiven for worrying more than usual about their children leaving home for university this year.

With police forces across the North and the UK trying to stamp out a rising tide of knife crime, and everyone feeling the pinch of the credit crunch, issues of money and personal safety will be foremost in their minds, not to mention drugs and alcohol.

Parentline Plus, a Newcastle-based national charity helpline and website which deals with calls from parents in distress, say phones are currently ringing off the hook.

The charity’s area manager Maureen Pearson is well placed to deal with the cries for help as she has four children — including a foster son who has been part of the family for 16 years — and they’ve each caused sleepless nights at some point.

She said: “We are very busy at the moment and parents are coming to us with different issues. Some are worried about their child’s safety, being away from home, drugs and alcohol and getting into risky behaviour generally.

“Others are worried how they’ll survive without their parents’ help and some are in a real tis-was because they’re going to be left alone with their partner for the first time in years.”

Maureen’s strongest advice for parents waving goodbye to their fledglings is to “communicate” and not to be afraid to talk about the big issues.

She said: “You don’t want to come across like a nagging parent but talk to them from an early age about drugs, sex, drink and the risks of STIs, and if you can’t, leave some literature lying about.

“I know of some parents who have packed condoms in their sons’ and daughters’ suitcases before they leave.”

Encouraging your children to have strategies to keep safe — such as asking them to text friends to let them know they are safe after a party — is another vital piece of advice.

Survival tips are another essential, from teaching your children how to budget, through to cleaning the toilet and cooking a nutritious meal.

Maureen said: “One parent gave their child money to cook a meal for the whole family once a week, to help them learn to budget and feed themselves, and it really worked.

“Mind, they really suffered at the start. The family ate just egg and chips while the child blew the rest on a night out.”

Sainsbury’s are attempting to address several issues at once with their Meal Ticket, a credit-card-sized piece of plastic that parents add money to, and which their child can then spend on food and other essentials in-store.

The idea is to give parents peace of mind . . . yet as cardholders are over 18 there is nothing to stop them from blowing the whole lot on booze.

Sainsbury’s admit that could happen, but says common sense should prevail.

A spokeswoman said: “In the first week away from home the risk is there but, after that, grim reality will kick in as they realise they need washing-up liquid and toilet roll, and that’s when the card will come into its own.”

Barbara Gubbins, chief executive of the North’s leading children’s charity The Children’s Foundation, welcomes this card’s arrival, despite the risks of misuse attached.

She said: “Eating is an issue as often the catering on-site can leave a lot to be desired and catering for large numbers is a problem. Therefore I think the idea from Sainsbury’s is a good one. I am sure that the majority of the Meal Ticket will be spent on food and toiletries, but I can’t see why Sainsbury’s could not exclude alcohol from the purchasing power, whether they are over 18 or not.

“Of course we should give these young people some independence and credit and whether they use the Meal Ticket or their student loan for alcohol should probably be left in their hands.

“Maybe if Sainsbury’s can’t restrict the use of the Meal Ticket they could work on campaigning around the safer use of alcohol.”

Parentline Plus’s Maureen isn’t so convinced.

She said: “I know friends’ kids who would have traded the cards for cash. I think it will give parents more reassurance and half will use it sensibly, but some will abuse it.

“We have to trust them to be adults though, make mistakes and pick themselves up again.

“I should know . . . my eldest spent the whole of his first year’s student grant on a Fender Stratocaster guitar.”