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Prisoner becomes pensioner

Aug 3 2008 Sunday Sun

I KNOW how to punish villains

Without sending them to jail.

Make them live as pensioners

And put us up in jail.

Especially in the winter,

A nightmare for the old and frail.

Instead, I’d get free lodgings,

Oh, please put me in jail.

I wouldn’t cause any trouble,

I’d be as happy as an old church mouse.

I’d be warm, well fed and comfortable

Unlike being stuck in my house.

Put the prisoner in my bungalow,

Let him live on my pension as well.

He’d beg to go after one day,

He’d think he’d been sent to hell.

I’m all alone over Christmas,

I’m housebound through the snow.

I’d love to spend Christmas

With people who I know.

For pensioners to spend Christmas together,

They would all sign up I know,

For meals, free TV and warm bedding,

No hassle, no bills, no snow.

So if you could find a prisoner

Who would be willing to swap with me,

What a grateful and happy pensioner,

That prisoner will have made me — A PENSIONER, Middlesbrough.

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