Newcastle United 0 Chelsea 2

Apr 5 2009 by Neil Farrington, Sunday Sun

WELL at least he now knows exactly what he’s got himself into.

Not that, after a decade as a player and three years as a pundit, Alan Shearer needed much educating on the harrowing reality of life at Newcastle United.

But his successors in black-and-white delivered him several home truths anyway.

The biggest of them being that more than a few of them simply aren’t up to the battle which lies ahead, never mind up for it.

Frank Lampard, Florent Malouda and an unsighted linesman ensured the scoresheet provided proof of the task Shearer has taken on.

But neither Chelsea’s second-half goals nor the Newcastle one-that-wasn’t will trouble the returning hero most this morning.

No, it was the basic shortcomings within a performance bereft of the inspiration he so often brought to St James’s Park which provided the grim measure of his task.

Shearer is leading a rescue mission with a bumbling, grumbling home guard rather than a crack band of brothers.

And this time, Tyneside’s favourite son cannot fire a single shot in anger.

All of which is also hardly news to his fellow Geordies, which may explain the muted mood at his much-hyped homecoming.

Shearer may have seen encouraging signs during a dull first half marked only by a nasty injury to Peter Lovenkrands.

But the home faithful who watched United struggle to match a sluggish Chelsea during the first 45 knew exactly what was coming.

And when the inevitable did arrive – Lampard and Malouda striking nine minutes apart either side of the hour mark – it was equally no surprise that Newcastle played a part in their own downfall.

Step forward Fabricio Coloccini and Ryan Taylor.

Coloccini, whose shortcomings have been obvious for a while, was solely to blame for Lampard’s opener.

Taylor’s true colours, as he was taken to the cleaners by Malouda, are only just emerging.

Not that they were alone.