COMEDY is probably the wrong word to describe this latest Adam Sandler vehicle.

Aug 17 2008 Sunday Sun

Despite the brains behind the script — Sandler, plus Robert Smigel and Jud Apatow — the story of an Israeli agent who dreams of becoming a hairdresser is a witless, puerile piece.

We struggle to muster a smile at the lifeless punch lines in a misfiring script or the cultural stereotypes born from the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, plus a waft of homophobia left over from Sandler’s previous film, the execrable I Now Pronounce You Chuck And Larry.

Counter-terrorist commando Zohan — Sandler — is the toast of his homeland, and the apple of the eye of his adoring parents, who coo, “You’ve caught so many terrorists, it’s an art. You’re like Rembrandt with a grenade!”

The Palestinians, caught in the crossfire of these bloody rampages, would doubtless disagree if the film gave them a voice.

Secretly, Zohan has little interest in espionage. Instead, his burning desire is to cut and trim like his hairdressing hero Paul Mitchell. “I just want to make people silky smooth,” he sobs.

So the Israeli operative fakes his own death during a duel with arch-nemesis the Phantom — Turturro — and heads off to America where he invents a new identity, Australian crimper Scrappy Coco.

He finds some lodgings in Brooklyn with shy Michael and his lonely mother Gail, who is soon enjoying Zohan’s special one-on-one hair treatments.

However, the commando’s past comes back to haunt him when the Phantom turns up in the Big Apple, eager to resume hostilities.

You Don't Want To Mess With The Zohan feels a great deal longer than 112 minutes, lurching from one ridiculous escapade as the hero defies the odds to make his mark in America.

Centuries of conflict are neatly resolved as Israelis and Palestinians join forces in the closing minutes to defeat an even greater foe . . . rampant American capitalism.

Funny how that’s the very same enemy that wants all your hard-earned cash for this rubbish.

Just this one time, follow Zohan’s pitiful example and resist.

1.5 Popcorns

DIRECTOR: Dennis Dugan. CAST: Adam Sandler, Emmanuelle Chriqui, Rob Schneider, John Turturro, Nick Swardson, Lainie Kazan. RUNNING TIME: 112mins. RATING: 12A.